Thanks Dave for another FUN column!!
Monday, August 08, 2011
JUNE 21, 2011 - Today is the first day of spring. Like every year my wife, Mary, and I make plans to clean out our Master Bedroom closet.
JUNE 22, 2011 - Today is the second day of spring. Like every year, we decide our resolution from the day before was a stupid idea.
It's not that the closet couldn't use some pruning. It is completely full now. But I don't care because I don't need much space. I only have three pairs of pants and eight shirts (one for each day of the week and one "wild card" shirt). Mary will soon have to do something though. I suggested that she get rid of two items of clothing for each new one she buys but that hasn't happened yet.
JULY 6, 2011 - I wear my wild card shirt instead of my Wednesday shirt. I was becoming too predictable.
JULY 12, 2011 - I decided to look in the closet again and noticed Mary has a huge section devoted to purses. I counted them. There were 47. I don't understand her reluctance to throw away old purses. She never uses anything except the newest ones. In most cases she rationalized buying the new one because the old one didn't work for some reason (the zipper is broken, it doesn't have enough inside pockets, it has too many inside pockets, it is too big, it is too small, etc.). There is zero chance she will use the old purses. Maybe she is planning to donate them to a museum some day.
In fairness to women, it is much easier for men to carry a wallet than it is to carry a purse. All our wallet has to accommodate is a driver's license, a few credit cards and a $20 bill. Wallets never wear out. I don't know exactly when I bought mine, but I cleaned it out recently and it still had a 1977 Dodger schedule in it. Women's purses have to carry everything a wallet has plus keys, makeup, a hair brush, extra glasses, pictures of the kids, a wash cloth, gift cards, a $2 off coupon for Cheerios, receipts for the stuff she needs to return, letters to mail, and a book in case she has to wait somewhere. As all of you know, this only scratches the surface (in fact, women have to carry something to scratch surfaces with too).
Purses also have to carry the things that probably should go in men's wallets but we don't want to be bothered with. For example, I hate loose change. I would rather throw coins in the trash than to put them in my pocket or wallet. Mary is too frugal so she keeps all of our change in her purse.
July 23, 2011 - We went out to eat tonight. We ordered one of those flaming desserts and the tablecloth caught on fire. Mary calmly pulled a fire extinguisher out of her purse and put out the fire. I was really impressed with her preparedness until I noticed that three women at tables near us also had pulled fire extinguishers from their purses. The meal cost about $50, which Mary paid for with quarters from her purse.
AUGUST 5, 2011 - Some experts suggest putting clothes in the closet with the hangar facing the wrong way. Then if you haven't worn something in two years you should get rid of it. I think that two years is too short a time period. I read somewhere that fashion repeats itself on average every 40 years. So if an item of clothing hasn't gotten back in style in 40 years, it is safe to get rid of it. We celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary next month so now is a perfect time to see if Mary still has anything from when we were first married. I found a white sweater on a shelf which I recognized right away. She wore it on our first date (to see "Love Story"), so it would be a shame to throw it away. In the back of the closet was an old robe. She wore it a lot that first year lounging around our apartment while we watched reruns of Perry Mason on our black and white television. Have to keep that. I also found the swimsuit and cover-up she wore on our honeymoon. There is no way I could throw them away either. We didn't go anywhere glamorous - we stayed in San Clemente, a beach town half way between Los Angeles and San Diego. It was a great way to start our marriage. We each had a lot to learn. In the first month I learned to wring out the wash cloth after a shower; she learned to love Vin Sculley (the Dodger's announcer). I made a note to remind me to look again at these clothes when we will have been married 80 years. I put the note in my wallet, since I probably will still be using it 40 years from now.
SEPTEMBER 3, 2011 - Today is a great day. We are celebrating 40 years of marriage. Has every day been great? Of course not. Has every year been wonderful? Absolutely!
David and Mary LeSueur live in Littleton, CO.